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I am watching Deutsche Welle whenever I can. This is slightly better than watching unsubtitled Bollywood movies in that I totally get a lot of day or hour unrelated nouns. And whether something is good or not, or a good spots game. I hate to say I am picking up more on inflection than words. Aber das ist gut, Ich bin nich gelernen Deutsch im meine kindergarten (please, please don't grade me) but really I am just embarrassed I am so incredibly behind in speaking when I am so aware they are talking about Islam in France, and all I'm getting is that noses are involved.

It is an incredibly weird experience, I know enough to get he gist but not enough to understand the story. And they are reporting a fair bit about British or Euro news. Which is totally fair but I'm like the kid (let's go full-on) who watches GoBots while the Transformers are getting big. It is not just a whole different system, but you can't ask about it in everyday life without being a snob or a local Luddite. I'm not either, but apparently there is something serious going on in parliament right now! American tv is giving me no clue.

I think everyone should spend a week trying to get their news in another language they only kinda understand. It is an incredibly weird experience not many Americans get to have.

I may lose friends for this...

I've now watched about thirty minutes or so of Serenity*, and this, to someone who loves sci-fi, and general weirdness... It's actually pretty horrible. People speak in weird anachronistic dialogue like they are Space Quakers, there is Chinese thrown about with no subtitles (and not like, a character using a curse word, or a pet name, or even the weird idea that the guy in Oceans Eleven speaks Chinese but understands English, and everyone else vice versa) and only the very, very briefest of character sketches are given. It's like a feature-length tv show that never got aired. It's not terrible if I think of it as a tv show, but as a movie, I don't get it at all. It's hackneyed. The special effects are terrible. The fight scenes so far featured a man somehow poked in the kidney in such a way as to leave him paralyzed yet falling forward long enough for a dumb speech to be finished, and later someone picked up bodily and... Head slammed us the only way I can think of to describe it, with no indication why or how he attacked the heroes upside down.

I expected a seduction here, not, "Well, these are the moves my last sweetheart liked, let me break them all out in case you were told about them." It may be a great finale, but this is just a bad, bad introduction.

*how much of the omelet and all that?
I AM STILL CAPSLOCK AWAKE.

Seriously, is my life this stressed out? I have not been awake this long in I don't know how long. I know it's gotten really major recently, I've got 1-2 things for the kids every day from Monday to Thursday, then band on Friday, but how the hell am I still up?

Anyone going to be in Baltimore this weekend?
If there is anything from my childhood With Which One Shall Not Muck About, it is the Muppets. Whether we're talking Sesame Street, Muppet Show, Fraggle Rock, or more recent shows like Behind the Lions and Bear's Big Blue House, there is something about the Muppets that immediately makes me a six year old kid in footie pajamas. They taught me all the important stuff. Mostly that it's okay. It's okay to be scared, to be weird, to be totally laid-back, to work backstage, to want the spotlight, to tell corny jokes, to be overwhelmed. It's okay if you need help, if you and your best friend aren't the same, if you're in a bad mood, if you don't understand things, if you feel (or are) different from the people around you, if you accidentally break things, if you geek out about hobbies. The legacy of Jim Henson, most people say, is laughter. I get that, but to me, it's knowing that I'm okay, even if I don't feel like it much at the time. To know that someone out there thinks I'm actually pretty awesome if I'm weird or a drama queen or whatever, because that's cool in it's own way.

But the movies have been falling down on this as of late. Muppets from Space was a total flop because it tried to make it okay from outside forces. Not even Tim Curry (TIM CURRY IN A PIRATE SUIT, PEOPLE) could stifle the yawns in Muppet Treasure Island. I actually turned off the Muppet Wizard of Oz because it was too grown-up in a blatant way for my youngest. There's been a couple problems- Introducing characters for no apparent reason, elaborate sets stealing too much screen time, taking the whole thing too seriously, forgetting that the Muppets only occasionally break the fourth wall*, trying too hard to pander to girls OR boys, not both, and basically reducing each character to a one-note joke or pathos. That's not what it is. It's a bunch of friends getting together, understanding each other, and by God, they're gonna put on a show for you. And you're, weirdly, going to be part of it yourself, and go away feeling better.

So I heard a lot of press, glowing press, about Jason Segel taking things back to basics. Stuff like this. And this. I still held some kernel of hope in my heart- this is a guy who has a puppet room in his house**. Who did a full-on comic vampire puppet show in an R-rated movie and got people to love it. I've always enjoyed his performance as Marshall on HIMYM- he's probably the closest to a Muppet an person can get without googly eyes. So I had high hopes, but they've been dashed before. (Gonzo? I'm still so sorry about your movie. You truly deserved better.) I'm a harsh critic- I have literally complained about plot holes or stereotypes in commercials. I went in hoping the praise was all true, but kinda cynically expecting it was all hype.

JASON, YOU LOONY AMAZING MAN, YOU CAME THROUGH. This, THIS is the movie I needed. It's silly, it's got sad parts, it's got crumplefaces, it's got musical numbers, it's got great cameos and self-awareness, it's got Kermit being Kermit again- the little guy who gets set back, but then regroups and keeps on going, because everyone has inherent worth, and he's got a show to put on to let everyone know that. It's got strong women leads, and it's got all those little background characters I missed, like the sheep that's constantly chewing on stuff, or the duetists who ended up every song trashing the place making out with one another when the lights go out.

I took my youngest with me, and he giggled, got really serious, and busted out in peals of laughter in equal measures. The 45-minute ride home was filled with him re-enacting his, "Most favoritest parts." (They seem to cover about 3/4 of the movie.) He was also familiar with almost all the cameos, amazingly. So from his perspective, it was, and I quote, "TOTALLY AWESOME."

But it's still for me as an adult. Oh, this is 'kid stuff,' sure. I would show it to a three year old without hesitation. But there's still things like Camilla and friends performing what I'm going to call, "Cluck You," by way of Cee Lo Green. There's a wink-wink-nudge-nudge adult relationship, played amazingly by Amy Adams as both corny and yet (well, as filtered through a musical) totally relatable. There's characters we haven't seen used well since the original Muppet show***, or that obliquely reference other roles in previous films. There's the "Standard Rich and Famous Contract." But it's not a nostalgia-fest, for example the absurdity of a "Standard Rich and Famous Contract" doesn't really need explanation, although they're happy to goof on exposition regarding it in the present. There is, in short, the same kind of jokes that reduce me to giggles (I can't explain to the kids) when I watch old Muppet shows and now get the references.

There's even just enough Jack Black. That is a hard balance to strike.

So I'm probably going back, once Neen comes home from visiting her father, to see it again. On first viewing, I can already tell this is one of those movies where watching what's going on in the background is going to be worth it. It sounds terrible to say, "I was not let down," but the Muppets are one of those things where I'm either all in or really disappointed, because as I have said several times, they are "everything good about my childhood.". On this one, I am all in. In footie pajamas and wide eyes.

*Which is itself fantastic- they know they are making a movie about putting on a tv show, because once they made a tv show about putting on a stage show.
**For those of you who are new, I have my own Muppet, who has a place of honor in my house.
***Statler and Waldorf, especially, made me very happy.
****Just FYI, there is not after-credits scene. They're very popular right now in kid's movies, so I figured I'd save you all the wait.
Just had the worst customer service call ever. I was calling to get a refund on something that I know I am entitled to a refund for (It was a mistake by the company). The woman I spoke with actually said, "Well, you probably wouldn't understand the reason."

Uh- what? Well, you probably don't understand how to talk to a customer. I was more polite though, and laughed and asked her to explain it to me anyway. Turns out I understood it well enough to explain to her why she was wrong, but she STILL wouldn't give it to me.

If a family member did not work for this company, I'd be making a much bigger stink, as it is, I asked the person in question to take it up with their boss, because I don't want to get them in trouble somehow.

Ugh. So burning mad.

Petticoats

Anyone wear them? Have any recommendations for good places to look? I'm looking for a black and/or red one.
In an effort to have better handwriting than my usual chickenscratch, I've been writing with an honest-to-god nib pen* whenever I need to correspond with someone. Which meant I had to get parchment, because regular paper looks all blobby with ink pens. And today I was even practicing Willhega script, because apparently I really hate the muscles between my thumb and palm and they need to be punished.

Meanwhile, my usually Luddite husband was figuring out how to write a letter and envelope on the computer using templates, and then how to print them out. About ten feet away, and occasionally asking me for tech help. We are an interesting family sometimes.

******


Also, so today I took apart** a pomegranate. This is an opened pomegranate:

Either the Greeks had some BIG ASS pom arils (the little seeds in there) or they were completely terrible at percentages, because by my count, Persephone should have been with Hades for 3-7 days out of the year, tops.


(*You probably know it at 'the thing at the bottom of a quill pen,' but I have a wooden handle, for ease of use)
(**Deseeded? Prepared? I dunno, but they're yummy so I'm willing to put with with a little linguistic uncertainty)

Repost, but still pretty valid.

I don't know about Veteran's Day where you are, where I live it is mostly
having served in the military, not dying in battle or going to
war- that's Memorial Day or D-Day/other war dates. So the couple people
(around here) who said things like, "Even if you still are alive," or
"Even if you've never seen battle" don't really need to add that on
there, thanks. I made sandwiches for great justice for four long years in
those BDU's and by golly I want my day without a qualifier. Ahem.
Aaaanyway, that's not the point of my post.

Usually when people wish me a happy Veterans Day, (Yes, I was in the USAF
for four years) I thank them and say something like, "May all our
veterans see as little combat as I did." Mostly, to be honest, I get a
little embarrassed at the singing of the songs and the dedication on the
TV and all that... I feel like people make themselves feel better by
celebrating it, but it's not helping the actual veterans. Most vets are
happy enough to tell you a story and have you buy them a beer... or
better yet, write your Congressperson and ask them to look into better
medical care for wounded or chronically ill vets. Or better yet, to look
into helping
the homeless
. That's where the really good work is being done.

Believe me when I tell you that "USAF" on your resume is not a guarantee
by a long shot for getting a job, and depending on the field can even be
seen as a liability. The longer you're in, the
more you're losing out on
, btw. Add in any battle trauma or
aggravated wounds, and you've got a recipe for disaster and the reason so
many veterans end up living on the streets of the country they served.

From that article:
"You can have all of the yellow ribbons on
cars that say 'Support Our Troops' that you want, but it's when they take
off the uniform and transition back to civilian life that they need
support the most," says Linda Boone, executive director of The National
Coalition for Homeless Veterans.


I'm pretty lucky- I spent four years with no more damage than a bad dye
job and some blisters... but a lot of vets aren't snarking it up online
all day in a nice comfy house with two lovely kids and all that. There's
a lot of vets out there that got really, really messed up, and with the
war on, there's probably going to be more.

Usually, I kinda ignore Veteran's Day unless someone else makes a deal
out of it. But this year it occurs to me (albeit a day late) that the
best way you can think a veteran is NOT to walk up and just thank folks
once a year. 1 in 4 homeless people are veterans of the armed
forces
, that's a little tidbit they don't show in the shiny
recruiting commercials. That's a pretty healthy chunk of the homeless
population, I think.

So do me a big favor, okay? Next time you get the urge to buy a ribbon,
or donate to a guy on the street with a sign saying, "Vietnam Vet," or
one of the millions of other silly little things that we all do (me too)
to show off to the people around us how much we care- stop. Put the
quarter back in your pocket. Put the ribbon back on the metal wall. Take
that money and send it to your local homeless shelter instead. Help fund
a soup kitchen. Donate your mattress to a shelter or any number of things
to help out the folks in your town to spend a night somewhere in the
warm.

You really want to thank a veteran? Make sure all my vet buddies have two
hots and a cot again.
So tonight I went to the open mike night. But that's not the story.

Part of the story is that often in my car, I listen to the local classical music station. It's WRTI, and I'm sorry, but "Warty" is about the worst station letters ever for a classical music station.

But that's not really the story either.

The actual story is that not often, but some times, you hear a song that just gets STUCK IN YOUR HEAD. Usually pop songs are needed for this. (Baby, baby baby, oh, like baby, baby... I hate you, song.) It almost never happens with the classical station, because there are no words or at least, no words I can understand well enough to keep going with after I've listened to the opera or choir piece. At the absolute worst, I end up with something pleasant in my mind to go to sleep to that will slowly fade into musical dissolution.

Then... THIS damn song came on, in all it's orchestral glory:


I've never hated cable cars so much in all my life.
I just had occasion to look up the alma mater of Penn State. The third and fourth verses are now just sick parodies.

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